I know everyone says laughter can heal, but really until today, I didn't believe this. I guess I just figured laughter makes you feel ok for a few minutes, but then you're right back where you started before you began laughing. I don't think this anymore.
Rewind 11 weeks, our amazing daughter was born. Our lives changed in a bigger way than I thought it would. We've already got 1 child, how much different could 1 more be? Uh- a lot different!!!! Anyways, our older daughter seemed to be handling her new big sis role very well....too well one might say.... we held our breath waiting for the other shoe to drop. And it did, of course it did, mainly in her behavior right before nap time. Anyways, this time of day turned into a huge battle. Yes, we tried all sorts of things- even just a rest time. Still getting horrible results as nothing seemed to help. One day she'd be great then the next not so much. I write about this not for sleep advice, but so you know where I'm at right now. After almost 3 months of either a nap time battle or exhausted melt down because her sock was not on correctly, I found myself in a very fragile emotional state. I really can't even discuss it with the hubby without crying. I'm sick of watching the love of my life throw a fit every other day over something she has literally been doing her whole life- sleeping! Ah!
I was disappointed in myself for how hard I had to struggle to respond from a place of Love and Patience, which I know is what this little person needs more than anything. I know that in her tears, though she is saying, "Go away!" what she means is, "Why wasn't just having me good enough for you? Why did you think I needed a sister? I need your attention, mommy. Don't you know I love you, but I'm mad at you. I don't know how to handle those two emotions at the same time yet, please help me." Knowing this, also made me feel so much more awful for the times I've lost my patience. So I settled into what I thought was my new skin, just get through the day, make sure everyone is clean, fed, and having fun. But, this isn't me. It's not the girl my parents raised and it's not the woman my husband married. It is absolutely not the mom I want to be- just getting through the day!
So today, my sweet girl got her mommy back. It was like a ton of bricks just lifted off my heart. We went outside to play, this afternoon, on the grass. I noticed our tomato plants needed watering so I brought out the garden hose and let her have at it. While she water watering I began to pull up some grass that had sprouted on our bank (I'm constantly battling the grass there!). She then, accidentally, sprayed my feet- truly an honest accident. It was that moment I chose Love. It would have been easy to say, "That's it! No more watering for you, missy!" But I didn't. I'm SO glad I didn't. responded instead with a silly, "Hey, watch out I'm gardening here! I don't want to be dirty or wet! So you better not spray me agaaaaaaaiiiiiin." Of course, she instantly caught on to my teasing and sprayed me again. She laughed SO hard- that belly laugh that melts my heart. I laughed SO hard. Harder than I've laughed in a while. The water fight ensued. And, we both couldn't stop laughing.
Colin arrived home from work, mid-water fight and gave me that knowing look of how much we needed that water fight. Then Lill and I sprayed him in the face and we all laughed until it hurt!
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